Friday, April 22, 2016

Crystal Gravy-Helicopter To Bang Mansion LP

These two are the hottest ticket in town so you better reserve your seats on this helicopter or they'll be taking off without you. 

Crystal Gravy has been producing some of the most satisfying music I've heard in years, and I'm not being hyperbolic. When you've grown up around bands who strive to be the heaviest, fastest, or most angst-y it's a breath of fresh air to hear something that is not only the complete opposite, but an entity that revels in it; wears it like a badge to proudly display to everyone and anyone willing to hear them out. 


I think that's what initially drew me to their music. Well, that and they're my friends. However there's something about the C-Grave that a lot of other bands lack, and that, my friends, is their authenticity. They're absolutely dripping wet with genuineness, whether you've seen them live or have listened to their previous installments. What they're presenting to you, the listener, is real emotion and raw talent. I have a lot of respect for bands who obviously put a lot of time into their music; patience is the most pleasing aesthetic and I absolutely loathe bands who hide behind punk music to mask their laziness. 


Helicopter To Bang Mansion, in my mind, is an instant underground classic. If college rock/radio was still as much of a powerhouse today as it was in the early 80's this album would be huge. People would be comparing it to the first R.E.M album that Rolling Stone is constantly sucking off. Not because they sound in any way similar, but because they both mark a new beginning of being true to ones self. Crystal Gravy plays the music that they themselves want to hear. They don't do it in the name of potential fame or to fit in with a preexisting genre. They do it because they like it! Why is this so hard for some people!? [I'm guilty of this myself sometimes]  


Donna Dana and Love Lottery are without a doubt my two favorite tracks on here. 


The only drawback to this album: not enough songs about Christmas. 


I heavily implore you to listen here: 


https://crystalgravy.bandcamp.com/album/helicopter-to-bang-mansion

Monday, December 21, 2015

BEST FRUITCAKE RECIPIE (Vegan)

by Connor McNerney 

Fruit & Nut Mix Ingredients:
-2 1/2 cups mixed dried fruit: dark cherries or cranberries, golden or dark raisins, black currants or black mission figs, pitted deglet dates, apricots (sulphured or not)
-Grated zest of one large orange
-Grated zest of one lemon
-Juice of 1 large orange
-Juice of 1 lemon
-1/2 cup sugar (coconut, sucanat or light cane sugar)
-1/4 cup light molasses
-1/4 cup agave or maple syrup
-3/4 cup thick unsweetened applesauce
-1 cup chopped pecans
-1 cup slivered blanched almonds
-1 Tbsp vanilla extract
Optional: 1 tsp rum extract OR 1/2 cup rum

Dry Ingredients:
-2 1/2 cups unbleached white flour (substitute half whole wheat or spelt flour if desired)
-Gluten Free Option: 2 1/2 cups All Purpose GF flour mix (see below) + 1 tsp xanthan gum
-3 tsp baking powder
-1 tsp baking soda
-1/2 tsp salt
-Protein Ebook
-2 tsp cinnamon
-1 tsp nutmeg
-1/2 tsp cloves

Instructions:
Eat all ingredients raw. Wait 12 hours. Light plenty of seasonal fruitcake scented candles. Shit directly onto serving platter. 

ENJOY!

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Friday, December 11, 2015

Smoky Mountain Christmas-Cumberland Gap Reunion

I am a fan of all things white-trash. Maybe not so much the casual racism and the Skoal, but I would be lying if I told you that drinking lukewarm Coors in the back of a broken pickup truck while listening to Jeff Foxworthy cassettes in someone‘s backyard did not appeal to me. 

Smoky Mountain Christmas by the Cumberland Gap Reunion really scratches that redneck itch I get from time-to-time, except it holds a certain level of self respect not unlike a tuxedo made from camo. 

I‘m always a little wary picking up Christmas CDs from Goodwill because most of them take themselves too seriously and are way too polished. This release has a raw feel and is totally listenable. 

Put this shit on your iPod and fill up your flask! 4 outta 5 candy canes.